Poke. Poke. Poke.
“Go away.” my brain screamed. “I hate you.”
But it didn’t go away.
Poke. Poke. “Psst!”
My brain woke up, my eyes jumped open quickly. They attempted to fix themselves on the figure standing over my bunk in our 12-bed hostel in the 2 a.m. darkness. It was some older woman. She looked like the girl from “The Ring”. It was pretty terrifying to be awoken by her and I had to remember I was in a hostel and not in a cabin in the woods somewhere.
Words weren’t coming to my brain yet.
I just stared at this bizarre woman, this jerk who just woke me up. I tried to make my eyes speak because I was too tired to speak. In my head, my eyes were saying “What do you want, woman!?”
She seemed to understand what my eyes were saying. Or she probably just decided I was awake and she should speak. To be honest, my expressive eyes probably looked more like Steve Buscemi that I intended.
“You’re snoring. You need to stop.” And then she walked away.
Exhausted, my brain said to my mouth, “stay closed and quiet.” I was already in my quietest sleeping position- my stomach. With a sinus infection and severe exhaustion, there was only so much I could do to sleep quietly. I quickly fell back asleep.
I shot up in bed. I made a note to myself that my mouth had been closed when she woke me up. I couldn’t have been snoring that loudly!
My eyes against asked the lady what she wanted, though this time they were screaming at her. Only 10 minutes had passed.
“You’re snoring and I can’t sleep. You need to roll over.”
My brain quietly combatted with “and you need to book a private room or go grab some of the free earplugs from the lobby, you motherlicker.”
I glared at her and laid back down, still on my stomach and quickly fell back asleep.
Again, there was nothing I could do to be any quieter. This is just something you need to expect when booking hostels. The more beds, the more chance you have of someone making sounds. There are tons of people who snore, there are people who will wake up vomiting, there are people who have to wake up and pack at 2 a.m. If you can’t handle this, book a private room or bring headphones, earplugs, etc.
I know I can be quite hilarious, but at the moment, I am kidding you not.
The same woman began poking me again only 15 minutes later!
Again, she told me I was snoring and to stop, and walked off.
My severe anxiety kicked in suddenly and I began fearing that I really was snoring overly loud. Though it was only 3 a.m., I found my exhausted self, unable to fall back asleep for fear that this woman would come bother me again.
I laid in my bed until others started waking up and packing their bags or getting ready for the day. I decided that they were making enough noise that my snoring would not be the loudest thing in the room anymore, and was finally able to fall back asleep for two hours.
Would you like to know the best part of this story?
The woman came back on night two! Poke. Poke. Poke.
By this time, I was far from caring if my snoring was keeping her awake. She could have requested a different room with fewer beds or grabbed ear plugs by this point. I waved her off and went back to sleep.
On the third night, she sent her husband over to wake me.
“You’re snoring and we can’t sleep!” He whisper/yelled at me.
This entire time, I had been sleeping the quietest I possibly could.
You know what happens when you piss me off so much? I stop caring.
I shrugged my shoulders at the guy in the dark. As he walked off, I rolled over onto my back, threw my arms over my head and opened my mouth as wide as I could, falling instantly back to sleep in my noisiest snoring position.
On night four, the couple was gone and victory was mine!
Have you had an intolerable hostelmate before? How did you cope with them? Share in the comments below!